I am loving life right now. Things are really coming together. I am achieving my dreams, and the momentum with which this is happening is crazy wonderful. I have clarity on this like never before. Within the next twelve months I will be a published author and a property entrepreneur. My corporate writing business is building at a pace that is manageable yet looks like being profitable. My health is on its way to being the best it has been in years. This detox is really working and I am not even hungry. I am not even struggling mentally with the fact that I won’t be eating cheese and crackers with smoked salmon accompanied by a chilled Marlborough SB tomorrow night, which is a bit of a Friday ritual (OK, that one pinches a little)! I caught up with a girlfriend the other afternoon after a stressful meeting and said “I need a herbal tea and an apple STAT!” … Admittedly, said GF nearly fell backwards in shock. Sorry Larsy I have not gone cray-cray, I am just getting real about what I would for the next decade – my fabulous forties.
Am I there yet? No … do I have a fair way to travel down the path to better health, wealth and fulfillment? Most definitely. Is it going to take as much hard work as say … doing a law degree or raising a couple of fantastic kids – you betcha. Am I going to need to keep getting tidier/more focused/on time/committed/organised … Yerp!
So what is different about things this time?
Many things … the pain of how I was living certain aspects of my life finally reached tipping point. The desire to have and hold certain other things grew too big to ignore. I had some honest conversations with my middle daughter, and we made a commitment to live healthier together. Plus recently I had yet another opportunity to learn a couple of somethings about myself – that it is OK (really OK) if people don’t like me, and that I don’t have to jump in/interrupt/rescue people in order to demonstrate that I am worthy/smart/likable/funny/attractive to men …
At the wedding that I attended recently, I met up with a woman who I knew back in high school. We were chatting about men, as single gals tend to eventually. She told me that all men are bastards. I told her I disagree. It really is about perspective isn’t it?
Of late I seem to be finding myself surrounded by gracious people. I spent some time in Bali in July doing a self-mastery course, and was partnered up with the most gracious woman called Hayley, whose entrepreneurial graciousness really touched me. Actually, I hugged her a bit in the hope that some of grace would rub off on me. Quite simply, I wanted what she had. I am working hard to get there, and I think I am becoming more gracious in my own knockabout way.
I would like to think that as I actively develop this trait, I am noticing it more in others, and therefore more gracious people are finding me – like my friend Gael, who has graciously made it her mission to help me further my writing career.
I have always had friends who are gracious on a daily basis – and to be honest I have spent most of my life secretly being mad at them because they were. I would like to say thank you to those people for persisting with their efforts to bring grace into my life, I know at times it has been frustrating.
One of these friends posted on her blog about how she was feeling ungracious and needed to work harder on being gracious, and I was interested to read it and then chat with her about her idea of ungraciousness, as I was sure she didn’t really have any ungracious behaviour to report at all. It turns out that she did – I reckon walking into a gathering of people focused on being centred and graceful declaring “I need some fucking graciousness” is pretty ungracious. Kudos to her!
I think therefore I am, and I have decided that I AM gracious just like this gal …
It may not be the same graciousness as my friends, such as the long limbed elegant graciousness of Fleur, or the ethereal wood nymph graciousness of Renee, the quiet articulate graciousness of Lara, the French inspired elegant graciousness of Amanda, or even the quirky biker chick meets 50′s pinup girl graciousness of Kelbel. My mentor, a gorgeous Irish woman called Maree exudes a graciousness that combines a whole heap of stuff I want to channel … hers is a take-no-prisoners, I’ll kick your arse / take you down Judo style while my hair stays perfect sort of grace. My graciousness is a little bit more of an out-there extroverted, laugh-out-loud-and-occasionally-snort style of graciousness, and I am learning to be OK with that. If that graciousness manifests in ungainly tripping over my own feet, or occasionally having to remove said feet from my mouth then so be it. I can graciously roll with that.
Yesterday I tested this new found graciousness. I spent the afternoon in the company of a very lovely man. We went to a movie (Tim Winton – The Turning, very long but loved it), dinner and took a stroll with coffees down in Fremantle. I was doing well at channelling grace, and only tripped over the hem of my dress twice … but I think that is because his idea of the pace of a “stroll” is somewhat different to mine. I didn’t get run over by any cars, although there was one near miss; and I tried to be delicate when I munched on the popcorn and only dropped three bits down between my cleavage.
I noticed and said thankyou when he did stuff like pull my chair out at dinner, and held the door open for me. I did have two glasses of wine the course of the meal, but I didn’t scoff it back like it was last drinks at the local nightclub. Just enough to be chatty and amusing … because we all know what a shy wallflower I really am.
I thought I would dazzle said man with an interesting and graciously told fact about the difference between how men and women communicate. I told him that on average women use about 32,000 words per day, and men about 7,000. He pondered this for a second, and then asked me, quite seriously “Who else’s words have you taken then?” … I think I laughed so hard I snorted … graciously of course.